I briefly mentioned the band that played in between and accompanied acts during Amy’s sideshow.

Weeks later, and I’ve barely touched the ten CDs I bought at Amoeba Records because I keep listening to Creature Feature.

According to Dan they’ll be at the Hot Monkey Love Cafe sometime in April.

I’m curious to see if now, at 36, I can finally grow a beard.

So far it doesn’t seem likely.

Prositution in Second Life

I should pimp out my avatar. I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to fuck my Jesus?

Here are a couple of picture of Charlie from a week or two after I first met him in the summer of 1992.

He looks pretty happy to be outside this strip club, even though it was closed.

I went back that evening. Best. Strip club. Ever.

Gazelle by Spike who also does Templar, Arizona which you should be reading.

Saturday night was my birthday party.
The plan was:
Phase 1: Photo Scavenger Hunt
Phase 2: City Deli
Phase 3: Nunu’s

And then phases were added:
Phase 3: Club Desade
Phase 4: A group coming back to my place and watching The Muppet Show until 5am

A great night! Thanks to everyone who came out and made it possible.

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Phase 1 is the most bloggable, here’s how the hunt went:

The Rules

• If you’re taking a picture inside a place of business ask permission first.
• TM stands for Team Member, a member of your team, not one of the other teams.
• “Stranger” is a non-player. You can’t use the same stranger more than once.
• The values of items listed {in curly brackets} will be judged by me.
• Items listed “in quotes” are pop culture references.
• Be careful crossing the streets.
• [Limited] items will require the password. The password is “Meteor”
• One item per picture.
• Teams can only get credit of items once per item and require a clear depiction of a TM in every shot.

The List

• 10 pts. TM endorsing their favorite hemorrhoid cream.
• 10 pts. TM eating a donut at Donut Haven.
• 20 pts. TM chugging a beer. ½ way finished or more.
• 20 pts. Flower stand on university. [limit 6]
• 15 pts. The Candy Store [limit 6]
• 1-10 pts. Staff member at Flashbacks judging TM’s outfit
• The judging stops at 8:30pm.
• The lower the judgment, the more points you get.
• Send in your worst dressed TM
• 15 pts. TM with a penguin eating with chopsticks.
• 15 pts. TM with the Beholder. [A mural at University and 6th]
• 15 pts. TM with the Freemason crest (print, sign, sticker whatever)
• 10 pts. TM groping a naked statue.
• 10 pts. TM eating off the plate of a stranger.
• 20 pts. “Go Team Venture!”
• Both TM’s in shot from head to toe, no mirrors.
• {5,10,15}pts. TM in peril.
• {5,10,15}pts. TM who died easy of a broken heart disease.
• {5,10,15}pts. TM furious at an inanimate object, the less appropriate the better.
• {5,10,15}pts. TM being gay if they’re male, lesbian if they’re female. [I meant to say "in a non-sexual way" but I'm glad I didn't.]
• {5,10,15}pts. TM being tempted by the fruit of another.
• 10 pts. TM buying pornography at Taang! Records.
• 20 pts. TM with their hand on the crotch of a stranger.
• 10 pts. TM with a first class stamp on their forehead.
• 10pts. TM holding a book that makes them think of Tone.
• No comics or books about comics, that’s too easy.
• 15 pts. TM holding an album that’s in my collection. [Nobody got this. And there was a copy of Appetite for Destruction right on the wall, everyone has that album!]
• 10 pts. TM giving the finger to the Starbucks logo.
• 15 pts. TM flexing their muscles with a stranger.
• 10 pts. “These shoes rule!”
• 10 pts. “These shoes suck!”
• 30 pts. TM caught in compromising picture with stranger of their non-preferred gender.
• 20 pts. TM depicting a line from Hotel California
• 20 pts. TM dancing with a stranger at The Brass Rail.
• 10 pts. TM reading a Russian novel.
• 10 pts. Female TM in a men’s room, pretending to use urinal.
• 15 pts. Male TM in a lady’s room, holding a tampon.
• 10 pts. TM in the air.
• 20 pts. “What’s your powermove?”
• 15 pts. A stranger giving the finger to a TM.
• 5pts. (Per) TM and any number of strangers pretending to be zombies.
• 5 pts. Per Zombie.
• 25 pts. TM touching the elusive Major Meteor.
• {5,10,15,20}x∞ Boobies. (Remember, these are going online)
• 5 pts for every boobie in her bra
• 10 pts for every boobie out of her bra. Happy Birthday to me!
• Each boobie only counts once but there is no limit on how many boobies.
• Pictures of man-boobs will result in team disqualification.
• 30 pts. Another team taking a picture, once per team.
• Other team loses 30pts.
• 100 pts. TM with Rob Halford of Judas Priest.

These are only the pictures I scored. Check out the whole set for dups and no-scores.

The Teams

1. Amy and Christi 539 pts.
2. Jessica L and Beth 330 pts.
3. Melissa and Dan 315 pts. [Due to a camera error this team lost some valuable pictures, costing them second place. From what I hear some of the pictures had more than point value.]
4. Wayne and April 310 pts.
5. Jessica R, Julia and Joel 299 pts.
6. Carly and Eric 255 pts.
7. Rachel and Tom 200 pts.
8. Jessica S and Jon 178 pts.
9. Joy and Matt 103 pts.

My three favorite moments:

1. While running away from one team I looked back to see Melissa hauling ass after me like the T-1000. I’m not sure if I could have out run her, I let her catch me before she morphed her liquid metal hands into hooks.
2. When Carly saw Team JJJ take this picture she punched Eric and shouted, “You’re supposed to be on lookout!”
3. Taking this picture.

I have to give MVP to Amy for driving down from LA and for pictures like this. But this one picture makes Melly-Mel a close second.

But I can’t forget the most valuable pic in the game.
It took me two days to label, sort and score the pictures, and I don’t regret a second of it. I can’t wait until next year!

The 1/2 Hour News Hour
Conservatives try to be funny, can’t.

I work out in the morning to avoid the crowd, now I got another reason: New Years Resolvers. I just got back from 24 Hour Fitness and I saw as more disregard for gym safety and protocols in that sixty minutes as I have in hundreds of hours I’ve put in during the mornings.
24 Hour Fitness is the numskull’s gym, I know that. I only go there because it’s cheap and 1.5 miles from my apartment which makes a good routine; run to the gym, workout, run back.
Tonight I saw a guy doing 100lb, one handed clean and jerks drop the weight and let it bounce around the floor.

1. Doing clean and jerks should get you kicked out of the gym. Unless you’re going to the Olympics it’s a show-off maneuver, not an exercise. Like my personal trainer used to say, “Any moron can throw weights around.”
2. If you drop a weight you didn’t know your limits or you were just showing off. (See A)
3. If you drop a weight on the rubber mat floor it’s your responsibility to keep it from bouncing all over the goddamn place by stepping on it when it hits the ground.

And then someone swiped one of my weights while I was taking a drink between sets. My towel was right. fucking. there! That’s why we bring towels to the weight room, they’re place holders! If I leave my towel by my weights it’s to tell the world I’m coming back! THE TOWEL IS CIVILIZATION!
Disrespect the towel and it’s a slippery slope towards anarchy and barbarism.
And then there’s this:

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Dear 24 Hour Fitness Muzak People,

What the Hell makes you think The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry is an appropriate song for a weight room? Have you listened to the song? It’s about feelings and shit like that. The gym only has the capacity for three feelings; strain, pain and exhaustion. (And possibly lust, if that super-hot Costa Rican chick is there, but that’s it!) The weight room is a place of sweat and iron, in this place there is no room for Robert Smith. That goes double for The Pretenders.

Sincerely,
Tone Milazzo
Cpl. USMC Ret.