I have an account on MySpace, which is like Friendster, LiveJournal, and Hot or Not all rolled into one. I use MySpace like I use Friendster, to promote tonemilazzo.com and try and connect with other comic book hopefuls.
A few weeks ago I had someone named “Christine” request to be my friend on MySpace. I don’t take the word “friend” lightly so I didn’t think that someone who’d never met me would want to friend my account so I just assumed that it was a Christine that I knew in college. It seems that some people out there throw the word friend around with abandon.
This put me in the awkward position of being friended with a 20yr old girl from the east coast with whom I had nothing in common and had nothing to say except that my picture weirded her out.
She was dull. And I didn’t know how to de-friend her without seeming rude. I have a harder time being rude to stranger than I do being rude to friends. On a related note, fuck you Dan.
The weeks passed by and eventually one of her inane postings was a petition to get Bonsai Kitten taken down. Being the enemy of ignorance that I am I messaged Christine and told her “I hope you realize that Bonsai Kitten is satire and they’re not really growing cats in jars.”
Her response, “i hope you realize you are a sick fuck that is no longer on my friend list….. kitty torturer!!!!! “
Problem solved.
For once, my innate ability to alienate women with a trivial application of reason has worked to my advantage.

Filed under: LiveJournal Days,Uncategorized
Comments: (6)


  1. Rancorous? Amelioration?
    Someone’s rockin’ the thesaurus today…

    Comment by danifesto — January 5, 2004 @ 6:52 am

  2. As my writing mentor, Hulk Hogan always told me “Train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins and use hyperdictionary when you want to sound smarter than you really are!!!”

    Comment by tone_milazzo — January 5, 2004 @ 7:00 am

  3. You goddamned kitty-torturer.

    Comment by the_bone — January 5, 2004 @ 12:06 pm

  4. Kind of like prison inmates. Except without all that pesky sodomy…

    Comment by danifesto — January 6, 2004 @ 1:58 am

  5. Man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

    Comment by tone_milazzo — January 6, 2004 @ 3:09 am

  6. I always said:

    “I’d toss kittens into a furnice all day if it paid enough.”

    Maybe I should change it to chickens and a wood chipper…

    Comment by sewyrn — January 8, 2004 @ 9:15 am

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