I work out in the morning to avoid the crowd, now I got another reason: New Years Resolvers. I just got back from 24 Hour Fitness and I saw as more disregard for gym safety and protocols in that sixty minutes as I have in hundreds of hours I’ve put in during the mornings.
24 Hour Fitness is the numskull’s gym, I know that. I only go there because it’s cheap and 1.5 miles from my apartment which makes a good routine; run to the gym, workout, run back.
Tonight I saw a guy doing 100lb, one handed clean and jerks drop the weight and let it bounce around the floor.

  1. Doing clean and jerks should get you kicked out of the gym. Unless you’re going to the Olympics it’s a show-off maneuver, not an exercise. Like my personal trainer used to say, “Any moron can throw weights around.”
  2. If you drop a weight you didn’t know your limits or you were just showing off. (See A)
  3. If you drop a weight on the rubber mat floor it’s your responsibility to keep it from bouncing all over the goddamn place by stepping on it when it hits the ground.

And then someone swiped one of my weights while I was taking a drink between sets. My towel was right. fucking. there! That’s why we bring towels to the weight room, they’re place holders! If I leave my towel by my weights it’s to tell the world I’m coming back! THE TOWEL IS CIVILIZATION!
Disrespect the towel and it’s a slippery slope towards anarchy and barbarism.
And then there’s this:

Dear 24 Hour Fitness Muzak People,

What the Hell makes you think The Cure’s Boys Don’t Cry is an appropriate song for a weight room? Have you listened to the song? It’s about feelings and shit like that. The gym only has the capacity for three feelings; strain, pain and exhaustion. (And possibly lust, if that super-hot Costa Rican chick is there, but that’s it!) The weight room is a place of sweat and iron, in this place there is no room for Robert Smith. That goes double for The Pretenders.

Tone Milazzo
Cpl. USMC Ret.

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